


Once More to See You

by FarmerDelilah



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Love, One Shot, not that fluffy but Saeran isn't really fluffy, spoilers bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 04:35:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14205189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FarmerDelilah/pseuds/FarmerDelilah
Summary: This happens sometime between Day 9/10, after the chat Empty Shell (or before? idk man). This fic was inspired by my sincere love for Saeran and the Mitski songs "Once More to See you" and "Dan the Dancer"





	Once More to See You

The stench of vomit and the sickly sweet scent of elixir mixed and filled the air. Saeren’s sweaty palms grasped onto the sink. He felt like his whole life was being pulled from him, acidity and all. A punishment for not taking the elixir, for taking the elixir. A punishment for loving her, for hurting her. A punishment for living, for wanting to die. His body convulsed and he retched again. His vision swam. Finished, he finally felt he could collapse onto the floor and rest. Not that his skewed balance would have let him stand much longer. 

He closed his eyes, feeling the sweat causing his shirt to plaster against his back. Visions of V, Rika, and his mother flashed across his mind. Trembles hit him throughout; he hated them _so much_. They’d betrayed him, all of them. But was that right? _Maybe they just saw how weak you were,_ he thought. This was more in line with reality. He was just so weak that they couldn’t help but try and guide him. And he’d failed them, all of them. He couldn’t even help Rika, who had supplied him with the elixir. In fact, he was so weak his body couldn’t even keep it in. Remarkably, he felt his eyes begin to water at the memories of him with his Saviour, of trying to help his mother into bed after her latest drunken rampage. Failure stinged at his tear ducts as he let the tears fall. _God, how I failed them_.

He was there for a long time. He fell in and out of sleep, his body exhausted. Nightmares ( _or were they real?_ ); memories of the past twinged with a hellish hue swirled through. His body felt hot, then cold, then raging hot again. But he couldn’t move anymore. Despair, anger, grief coursed in his veins. _Please, make it stop! Make me empty!_ He roared inwardly. Nothing stopped, but his body temperature plummeted again. He felt he heart beat against the inside of his chest.

Silence. He was so tired. He opened eyes, taking in the grimy washroom, the dim lights. _Where am I? Why am I still here?_ A deep hopelessness draped itself around him. Closing his eyes, Saeran let out a silent wish to turn into a speck of light and disappear. He couldn’t see her. Her face was like a burn on film; the elixir had done it’s best to corrode anything that had meant something to him. The memories he could still remember were of the times he had hurt her; had felt her shiver in fear. _Please, let me think of anything but this._ Of all his failures, this one felt the most real. True evidence of his weakness. He could almost feel her shivering on his palms. _But she isn’t here. She’s upstairs._ And he didn’t deserve to see her.

Another memory, faint but powerful. Deep purple hues, the light of the moon on stems, the scent of roses. He couldn’t see her face, but he remembered the lightness within his chest when he had been with her. He had wanted to show her the garden so badly and it had finally happened. He could show her the plants he’d worked so long to sustain, to bloom. He could almost cry at how badly he had wanted to be like those roses. That ache also hurt, but he felt it had a sense of comfort that none of his other memories or thoughts had allowed him in the past. _Keep thinking of her_.

Holding her hand, the gentle warmth radiating from his body. What else had happened that night? What he would give just to recall her face. He remembered what she’d done had made him so scared, but it also had filled him with a deep loyalty. A feeling he couldn’t quite name. His mind was quiet. He felt his heart slow, become gentler. His body was almost the right temperature. But he was still so empty. _What did she do to me?_

She had been so close. He could feel her hands on his waist. The heat of her on his lips. They had shared a kiss, of course they had. He could see her face, her beautiful eyes. Her face afterwards, looking into him, eyes staring into his. Sorrow, fear, and what were in those eyes? _Love._ He had let go of the anger, the shame, for just a moment. He had loved her. He had been loved. How could he have forgotten that? How could he have let that go?

_It isn’t too late._

Saeran opened his eyes. The elixir was what had taken away the only person that had cared about him. He had been another part of himself with it, but he never wanted to be that self again. It wasn’t strength, that he knew. Saeran didn’t know if she would forgive him, if he deserved it. But he knew he had to see her again. Just one more time, to get her out of here. He couldn’t let Rika take away from her what she had taken from him. He needed her to remember him, even if he was already damned. He gritted his teeth and forced himself to stand.

Love bloomed in his chest.

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty proud of this one, and as a result I would love some constructive criticism/feedback on it! :)


End file.
